I was reading an article today about research commissioned by the bookmakers William Hill into the 50 things ‘real’ men need to know.
Below are the 50 things the research concluded every man should know and how I fair against them.
As you’ll see I really need to man up!
1. Your wedding anniversary date
I’m single so this isn’t applicable. However, I do know the date of my parents wedding anniversary. Surely that’s worth a point.
2. Basic DIY
How basic is basic? I can paint!
3. How to change a light bulb
Of course, but it might take me a few weeks to get round to buying one.
4. How to tie a tie
What knot would you like?
5. How to read a map
A nice lady in my Tom Tom does that for me.
6. Your wife or girlfriend’s favourite drink
Again, see question 1. I’m single, however I do know the favourite drink of friends wife’s or girlfriends.
7. How to iron a shirt
Definitely, I like ironing.
8. How to change a tyre
I’d call the AA, that’s what I pay them for.
9. How to wet shave correctly
Yes, but shaving is a chore!
10. The right amount of aftershave to use
Just a slash, it’s expensive stuff.
11. How to change a fuse
Yes, but I can’t remember the last time I did.
12. When a woman says ‘I’m fine’ she is not fine
Now this is just confusing. What happens if she is actually fine? Surely you’d just annoy her by assuming she isn’t fine. Probably best just to ask her to clarify whether she’s fine or not.
13. How to put up a shelf
Spirit level, No nails, job done.
14. How to polish your shoes
Yes, it’s really not that difficult.
15. How to give a confident handshake
Not too limp, not too strong, somewhere in the middle.
16. How many inches are in a foot
17. When to accept defeat and apologise
Why? I’m never wrong! Arrogant yes, but never wrong!
18. Know the offside rule
Of course, I’m a man.
19. The year England won the World Cup
20. How to do your own laundry
21. How to fix a bike puncture
I fancy my chances, I watched my father do it numerous time when I was a kid.
22. How to jump start a car
Again, that’s what the AA is for.
23. How to parallel park
I’ll be honest with this one. I can’t parallel park to save my life. It’s witchcraft in my book.
24. The difference between ale and lager
I like lager, and I don’t like ale.
25. The best way to carve meat
I find it’s best to use a knife!
26. Your own height
5’7 & 3/4 (don’t forget the 3/4)
27. How to drive in snow
28. The colour of live, earth and neutral wires
Live = Brown, Green & Yellow = Earth, Blue = Neutral
29. How to introduce yourself
Hi, I’m Mike and I’ll be your server today. Can I get you something to drink?
30. Your parents’ address
31. What the football scores were at the weekend
The scores & the attendances.
32. How to light a barbecue
I tend to use fire!
33. When a woman says ‘Do what you want’ do not do what you want
But what if is really wants you to do what you want? I think I’d ask her to explain what she means. Better safe than sorry.
34. How to change your car’s oil
I assume they do that when it’s serviced.
35. What the biggest recent football transfers are
I watch transfer deadline day, I know my figures.
36. How to build a fire
Lots of wood, add flame.
37. Which way is north
I pretty sure it’s the opposite way to south.
38. How to use the contents of the toolbox
I keep sweets & crisp in my toolbox, so yes, I know how to use the contents of the toolbox.
39. How to tune in a telly
Who tunes their telly anymore?
40. How many miles are left after the petrol light appears
41. How to fix a toilet
Probably, never had to.
42. How to put someone in a recovery position
I’ve watched Casualty, I’m particularly a Doctor.
43. Your personal alcohol limits
Of course, when I think I can dance & sing like Michael Jackson it’s time to go home.
44. How to change a battery on a car
How many times?! That is what I pay the AA for.
45. How to get a car unstuck
Not again! That is what I pay the AA for.
46. The words to the national anthem
All 3 verses
47. How to change a nappy
I never have, but it can’t be that hard.
48. How to perform CPR
To the beat of staying alive!
49. How to put up a tent
Yes, but it might take a while
50. Who are favourites to win the Premier League
Which season are we talking about? This year (2014/15) Chelsea, next year Liverpool! (I hope)