Human Cockfighting League (HCFL)

A knelt referee hold 2 fighters cocks waiting the winner.

The Human Cockfighting League (HCFL) via this Comedy Central video has made my day, quite possibly my week. With all the doom and gloom currently around, with the economy, political instability and the continuing war in Ukraine. It was a joy just to laugh out loud at something completely ridiculous.

Although a comedy sketch I wouldn’t be surprised if somewhere in the world there is some sort of human cockfighting or human swordfighting league. They probably have an exclusive deal to stream live on Onlyfans or something. read more

50 things every ‘real’ man needs to know

I was reading an article today about research commissioned by the bookmakers William Hill into the 50 things ‘real’ men need to know.

Below are the 50 things the research concluded every man should know and how I fair against them.

As you’ll see I really need to man up!


1. Your wedding anniversary date
I’m single so this isn’t applicable. However, I do know the date of my parent’s wedding anniversary. Surely that’s worth a point.

2. Basic DIY
How basic is basic? I can paint!

3. How to change a light bulb
Of course, but it might take me a few weeks to get round to buying one.

4. How to tie a tie
What knot would you like?

5. How to read a map
A nice lady in my TomTom does that for me.

6. Your wife or girlfriend’s favourite drink
Again, see question 1. I’m single, however, I do know the favourite drink of friends wife’s or girlfriends.

7. How to iron a shirt
Definitely, I like ironing.

8. How to change a tyre
I’d call the AA, that’s what I pay them for.

9. How to wet shave correctly
Yes, but shaving is a chore!

10. The right amount of aftershave to use
Just a slash, it’s expensive stuff.

11. How to change a fuse
Yes, but I can’t remember the last time I did.

12. When a woman says ‘I’m fine’ she is not fine
Now, this is just confusing. What happens if she is actually fine? Surely you’d just annoy her by assuming she isn’t fine. Probably best just to ask her to clarify whether she’s fine or not.

13. How to put up a shelf
Spirit level, No nails, job done.

14. How to polish your shoes
Yes, it’s really not that difficult.

15. How to give a confident handshake
Not too limp, not too strong, somewhere in the middle.

16. How many inches are in afoot

17. When to accept defeat and apologise
Why? I’m never wrong! Arrogant yes, but never wrong!

18. Know the offside rule
Of course, I’m a man.

19. The year England won the World Cup

20. How to do your own laundry

21. How to fix a bike puncture
I fancy my chances, I watched my father do it numerous time when I was a kid.

22. How to jump-start a car
Again, that’s what the AA is for.

23. How to parallel park
I’ll be honest with this one. I can’t parallel park to save my life. It’s witchcraft in my book.

24. The difference between ale and lager
I like lager, and I don’t like ale.

25. The best way to carve meat
I find it’s best to use a knife!

26. Your own height
5’7 & 3/4 (don’t forget the 3/4)

27. How to drive in snow

28. The colour of live, earth and neutral wires
Live = Brown, Green & Yellow = Earth, Blue = Neutral

29. How to introduce yourself
Hi, I’m Mike and I’ll be your server today. Can I get you something to drink?

30. Your parents’ address

31. What the football scores were at the weekend
The scores & the attendances.

32. How to light a barbecue
I tend to use fire!

33. When a woman says ‘Do what you want’ do not do what you want
But what if she really wants you to do what you want? I think I’d ask her to explain what she means. Better safe than sorry.

34. How to change your car’s oil
I assume they do that when it’s serviced.

35. What the biggest recent football transfers are
I watch transfer deadline day, I know my figures.

36. How to build a fire
Lots of wood, add flame.

37. Which way is north
I am pretty sure it’s the opposite way to south.

38. How to use the contents of the toolbox
I keep sweets & crisp in my toolbox, so yes, I know how to use the contents of the toolbox.

39. How to tune in a telly
Who tunes their telly any more?

40. How many miles are left after the petrol light appears
About 25ish

41. How to fix a toilet
Probably, never had to.

42. How to put someone in a recovery position
I’ve watched Casualty, I’m particularly a Doctor.

43. Your personal alcohol limits
Of course, when I think I can dance & sing like Michael Jackson it’s time to go home.

44. How to change a battery on a car

How many times?! That is what I pay the AA for.

45. How to get a car unstuck
Not again! That is what I pay the AA for.

46. The words to the national anthem
All 3 verses

47. How to change a nappy
I never have, but it can’t be that hard.

48. How to perform CPR
To the beat of staying alive!

49. How to put up a tent
Yes, but it might take a while

50. Who are favourites to win the Premier League
Which season are we talking about? This year (2014/15) Chelsea, next year Liverpool! (I hope)



Shopping In Lidl (YouTube Music Video)

Chavy looking woman in cheap tracksuit with rubbish bins in the background, holding crisps & a 15p sign.

I do like a funny music video parody, here’s one my mother brought to my attention.

It’s courtesy of Mercedes Benson who parodies Marc Cohn’s song Walking In Memphis. But instead of walking in Memphis, she’s Shopping In Lidl.

For those of you not familiar with Lidl, it’s a value supermarket chain here in the UK which is renowned for its cheap food and cheap booze, and as a result its customer base is at the poorer end of society. Although, I know plenty of people who do have the means to shop elsewhere but go there for a particular deal or promotion. (Mother, I’m looking at you)


Convos With My 2 Year Old Web Series

Loving the idea behind this new web series created by Matthew Clarke.

He uses the conversations he’s had with his toddler daughter and flips them on their head by having another adult (David Milchard) play the role of the daughter.

There’s only one episode at the minute, but the potential for a long running and funny web series is clearly there.

Check out the first episode below, and remember to subscribe so you don’t miss any future episodes.